Final Open Predictions: Okay, first the easy one: Federer over Hewitt in straight sets. There's no reason to believe that Hewitt all of the sudden has Federer figured out, and given that Hewitt's game has been short of consistently good, and the Maestro has dropped like one set all tournament, it should be short work.

It's hard to measure the effect the US Open has on Agassi. Clearly, the place has inspired him to play well here, sometimes very well, but given all his talent, he's "only" won it twice (granted he had that guy Sampras to deal with for most of his career). Ginipri is a cipher - is he really good, or just riding a streak? With two Americans in the same match, the crowd pretty much has to side with Agassi as the sentimental favorite, which could really take the winds out of Ginipri, who otherwise gets great "home team" applause. Let's say Andre in 4.

If it's Agassi vs. Federer, again, nothing reasonable suggests that Federer would lose. He's a decade younger, the best player, and just on top of his fucking game. Give Agassi a token set, but it has to be the Maestro in 4.

MORE: (forgot the womenfolk)

First the boring match: Peirce v. Dementieva. Here we have the rejuvenated French-American (or AngloFranco) vs. the true blood Russky. Peirce, one of the first women to get all roided out, but who has faded badly over the past few years, vs. a woman with a 60mph second serve, but otherwise bounds all over the court with good shots. This is purely a gut call, as neither was supposed to be here: Peirce in straight sets. I'm guessing she's motivated to have made it, and knows her window of opportunity is slamming shut.

Now on to the big match. Shari v. Kim "Can I Buy a Vowel" Clijsters. This should be a very good match, for all the obvious reasons. Both are tough mentally. Kim "My Name is Uncomfortably Suggestive" Clijsters has been to the finals here; Maria has won Wimby. Both are powerful and seemingly healthy (which for Kim "Can You Believe Hewitt Chose Me to Bang?" Clijsters is no mean feat). The question is who has the higher ceiling; who has already peaked? All signs point to Kim "I Can Crush You with My Thighs" Clijsters" running out of gas, as the crowd increasingly falls in lust with Maria, who, it would seem, is still on the rise in terms of her ability. I see a tougher three-setter, with Sharipova taking the match.

Finals: Sharipova over Peirce in 2.