More Olympics: And why would the Olympics be a problem for Bush? Higher advertising prices? Get out of town. The Olympics -- assuming America takes home its usual packet of golds -- will be a two-week campaign freebie for Bush. Plus, an Olympic team of liberated Iraqis who won't be shot if they don't win will be ridiculously good pro-Bush propaganda. And in Athens, too, Cradle of Democracy! The coverage of the games be unable to ignore this incredible story. (Imagine the featurettes: And you thought the f*cking Jamaican bobsled team was inspiring?) It is Kerry, coming off his convention, who will be forced to get some ads on durning the Olympics; he'll be unable to resist the possible demographic.

Of course, it's only a "possible" demographic. The Olympic viewership could of course nose-dive like the NBA playoffs. Wasted money for Kerry, wasted opportunity for Kerry. Meanwhile, Bush opens his convention with the American woman (now on every Wheaties box in America) who wins a track and field event and the Iraqi woman who takes an unexpected bronze in a swimming event; they clasp hands and raise their arms together to the cheers of thousands.

Jesus, man, the script writes itself. If Bush really wants to go for baroque, he should suggest that we cover all ther costs of the Iraqi Olympians.