FauxPolitik

Monday, September 13, 2004

Smokin' (but not peeing) in the boys' room: A very illuminating, if depressing, article by ESPN on a former NFL player and the steps he (and likely others) went through to avoid marijuana detection in their urine tests.

Some helpful hints: When you're not ingesting, fill up as many gatorade bottles with "clean" urine as you can, so that when you start smoking, you have a stockpile to use. The samples are tested not only for content but for temperature, so keep your stockpile in the jacuzzi overnight, then move from bottle to pill container or condom, and tape to your car vents on your trip over to the testing facility. Last, and certainly most importantly, don't substitute your own urine for that of a pregnant woman's - apparently being pregnant in the NFL is worse than being high.

3 Comments:

  • Or drink a bunch of vinegar, like someone I know did before he had to piss for a job at some hoity-toity pharmaceutical company. I can still see him, standing in my kitchen, hoisting a big glass of it.

    Memories . . .

    By Blogger enobarbus, at 5:15 PM  

  • What a maroon! Can you imagine the ph on that piss? Whooo. Still, he'll deny that should he ever run for office, I bet...

    By Blogger Razor, at 5:35 PM  

  • Interesting ideas...

    By Blogger A.To, at 9:55 PM  

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