FauxPolitik

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

You Know: I could see these tactics being effective for NARAL or Greenpeace, or some other liberal-cause group that needs to convince people that the sky is falling (so send us money to build a huge sky-buttress!). But to see it coming from the DNC really underscores how afraid the Democrats are that they're about to follow the Whigs into the history books. It just seems unserious. Besides, aren't these the people who complained in 2000 that an RNC ad "subliminally" highlighted part of the word Democrats?

Try to imagine a similarly spirited RNC ad, set in a suburban neighborhood, focusing on a family house. The doorbell rings; the door opens:

Woman of the House: Yes?

Man at Door: Good morning. I'm from the Democratic Party. We've just won the presidential election, and we wanted to let you know how things will change. Let's see ... First priority is, of course, abortion ...

Woman: But I oppose abortion.

Man: [Grows fangs] Too late! You're already scheduled for one, next Thursday. Another thing, your paycheck will now be direct deposit.

Woman: That sounds vaguely non-threatening.

Man: [Laughs with evil relish, as thunder rumbles] Direct deposit to the U.S. Treasury! Ha ha ha! We'll send you a stipend ... as long as there's money left over from our wasteful new initiatives!

Woman [Horror] No, you don't mean ...

Man: [Shrieking now, brimstone raining down about him] Yes! Yes! Mandatory 30-hour work weeks in the private and public sectors! Subsidized child care for men and women who had children in the middle of their career because it seemed like the thing to do and who now feel stifled by the demands of parenting! Affirmative action programs and other various benefits for those who, through no fault of their own, are too stupid to perform a job competently! Six months of paid time off if your daughter's 5-and-under soccer team goes to the All-County Rugrats League Championship, where, incidentally, score will not be kept and the trophy will be given out to the team that fields the most diverse squad, perfect diversity being, of course, an entirely black team!

Etc. Lee Atwater would've done it, I bet.

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