25 Long Years: Music video channel for aging honkies VH1 has another list out now -- the 100 Greatest Songs of the Past 25 Years. So, 25 years would mean since 1978, right? Lots of room to stretch out there. And at number one ... "Smells Like Teen Spirit"? A vaguely anti-inspirational message by the least of the "grunge" bands, succeeding only in establishing the "look" that would define mainstream by 1993. Kurt Cobain, the guy who sold out by writing self-flagellating songs about selling out? Ouch. If that's the best we can do in 25 years, let's scrap this shit and go back to Lawrence Welk.

Featured travesties: "London Calling" finally shows up at #38; "Heart of Glass" waits until #42; Talking Heads don't appear until #55 ("Once in a Lifetime"), after folks like Britney Spears, Alicia Keys, and Celine Dion have appeared. Whitney Houston's sappy mauling of Dolly's "I Will Always Love You" is apparently top ten material, while the Eurythmics barely crack the top 80. And -- most treacherous of all -- why is that gem of post-doo-wop, the snappy Hall and Oates classic "I Can't Go for That (No Can Do)," languishing at #74?

Okay, that one was just a joke.