Senator Edwards' Hair To Run for California Governor: (AP) North Carolina: Senator John Edwards' hair formally announced its candidacy for the California gubernatorial race. "Clearly, I am the best hair for the job. Arnold, I know a dye/plug job when I see one, and hell, yours doesn't even hide the ol' scars around the ears that well - ya know what I'm sayin'? I am robust, sexily wispy, and ready to take on California's energy/budget/immigration crises. I mean, really who else can tackle this great state's problems yet always appear freshly blown dry? Okay, I mean if Condit was still around, sure, but it's not like Senor "Lex Luthor" Bustamante is going to cause me any problems. Bring 'em on. I gots the mad skillz!" It was at this point that Mr. Edwards' Hair began to frizz and was hastily removed from the podium by his chief advisor, Jose Eber. In a related story, Senator Edwards himself was seen campaigning in Iowa wearing a jazzy beret.