FauxPolitik

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Hand over fist: That's how Joe Esztherhas made money in the 80's and early 90's. Moreover...well, let Joe summarize his career for you: “I became a famous screenwriter making millions, scoring A-list pussy, picked as one of the most powerful people on Hollywood.” How did he accomplish this? Well by writing verse such as this:
“It’s gonna have blood and hair on the walls,” Marty said. Frank looked blank, the creative assistants nodded.
“It’s gonna have a fuck-’em-if-they-can’t-take-a-joke ending,” Marty said.
Frank looked blank, the creative assistants nodded.
“It’s gonna have great word of mouth on it,” Marty said. “Fuck the critics, it’ll be an audience picture.”
More blankness, more nods.
Marty’s litany went on: Nastier than In Cold Blood, lots of sex, scare-’em-pissless moments, forget Witness for the Prosecution, forget Anatomy of a Murder, forget that Perry Mason confess-at-the-end bullshit. We were gonna scare the living shit out of all those assholes out there.
“What assholes?” I said.
“The audience,” Marty said.
Luckily, he wrote this book and now you can learn all about how he did it, and maybe, some day, you can too have notes delivered to you by big movie producers via naked models (save for the mink coat) who carry the notes in well...let's just say the notes were on the movie "Sliver".

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