We hold these truths to be self-evident:

1) Union workers shall wear t-shirts bearing patriotic themes no fewer than thrice-weekly; the other two days are reserved for Hooters insignia.

2) All lawyers engaged in the practice of litigation shall be either emptily-shrill, -threatening or -boastful (and none shall resemble Lara Flynn Boyle).

3) No character in a film or on t.v. fears a gun in their face until the hammer is menacingly cocked. At that point, we all know the gunman (or woman) is "fucking serious, man!" and it's time to start singing.

4) Flip flops are the devil's work.

5) All men and women desire (whether secretly or not) Katie Couric.

6) The Victoria's Secret catalogue arrival in the mail is highly anticipated and always a bit of a let-down once it's here.

7) Saying "'The West Wing' has jumped the shark" has jumped the shark. Many debate where "jumping the shark" has jumped the shark. I say no.

8) 2004 shall be the year of Techno. [Just wanted to see if you were still reading].