Just another routine news day: Let's see today's news. Formerly conjoined twins doing nicely - mmm, good for them. Wish them well; Game 4 of ALCS re-scheduled for tonight - let's hope those chaps have had a chance to settle down and play the game the way it's supposed to be played; Monkeys use mind control to operate robot arm - heh, those crazy chimps; More deaths in Iraq - boy I hope that President Bush...MONKEYS USE MIND CONTROL TO OPERATE ROBOT ARM!!?? What the? Shouldn't we have some National Guard call-up? No one is just the slightest bit worried about this? Oh, and "Planet of the Apes" was just some crazy story by some wacko French guy, right? Well, this homo sapiens won't be caught napping, I can assure you.

I'm digging my moat to surround my bunker now, fellas. We know they can't swim. I'm also arming myself with the latest in weaponry, because we all know that the militant gorillas can only use WWII-era bolt-action rifles. Okay, a few had "grease gun" type machine guns, but those always jam. Next, I'm getting Marky Mark to haul his ass over to my place and draw up some sort of battle plan. Jumping jiminy! But, mind control? Now they can operate cyborgs to attack me without fear of themselves being attacked. This will require Linda Hamilton as well. Lucky for me I've been stalking her since her career stalled, I mean she took more time to focus on her family.

I have limited room in the bunker so you better sign up now. And bring large cut-outs of circa-1969 images of Charlon Heston with you.