Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Weird Post-Oscar Thoughts: First and foremost, why do hot women tie themselves into these seemingly ill-fitting dresses that cause their breasts not to bloom, but to ummm, like melt over the tops of their bodices?

Chris Rock - not particuarly funny. He's just not well-suited to a PG-13 broadcast. Plus, a lot of his humor needs some build-up. His 5 or 10 minute rants on a controversial subject taken as a whole, are much funnier than 1-2 minutes on some lame Hollywood subject. I mean, he tried to be honest and poke holes in celebrities' images, but it fell flat I think.

Sean Penn - can the man get any more irritable? It's like he's some 75-year old crotchety grandfather on the porch complaining about the "kids nowadays". Has his life really been so hard?

Marketing on the Red Carpet - why do we NEED to know the designer of every bauble and lookalike gown? Why does Joan Rivers have such clout that she can dictate public opinion? Has anyone taken a close look at her? NO, don't...just asking. In ten years I predict the attendees will be wearing either company slogans on their outfits (a la British football teams), or temporary tattoos (like boxers).

Let them fucking walk up to the stage - it's the biggest night of most movie-makers' careers, and they have to scrunch up in the aisle to receive an award. I mean, sure, it's for make up, but without make up...well, have I mentioned Joan Rivers. Or look here. I'd say make up is the MOST important category.

Beyonce singing in French - next year let's have Fred Durst sing the theme to one of the Chinese entries for foreign language film. I know 90% of the audience had no idea she was butchering the material, and that 98% didn't care, but come on. Was anyone tuning in just to see Beyonce do this?

No more "Mulligan Oscars" - if you get robbed one year, don't "make it up" next year. Morgan Freeman could have gotten one for Shawshank or Daisy. He didn't. I don't know that he was the most deserving this year. Same with Eastwood. By all accounts, the Aviator was the better movie event. $1MM Baby was just the most controversial. But Clint got robbed last year for Mystic River (as he put it, he was "Hobbitized"), so they make it up this year. At this rate, Scorsese's home films of his dogs running on the beach will give him the long-coveted Oscar some time in 2014.

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