Pizza Guy: A tip? I give him the finger. Listen to this: Last week we ordered (calzones, actually) at about 7:00, and were told that we'd wait about 40 minutes for delivery. No sweat. It was Friday, after all. 70 minutes later, the dude shows up. The zones are cold (I can tell when I take the box and feel no heat coming from it). To add insult, I hand the guy a $20 and he says, "How much change do you want?"

I want all of it, you cretin! Because it's my money! Once I have the change, I will hand you what you deserve, which at this point is roughly a dime.

What the hell are they putting in the water in the public schools?