Aiiieeee!: I hate pleats! I can't stand the fucking things. Why don't you just shove one of those Japanese hand-fans down my pants, and expand? That would look about just as silly as pants with these stupid sewn-in creases in them. What visually-impaired genius came up with them anyway? And try to buy pants without them. Sure, you CAN, but you have to waste so much time finding the pair that you want.

Then, it appears I am either the most popular size or the absolute least. 35 in waist, 34 inseam. Doesn't sound so terribly freakish does it? I'm 6'2", 210 lbs -- you know...similar to Terrel Owens. Anyway, what is the deal??? First of all, it's either 34 inch waist or 36. Fine, I'll wear the 36 - a touch loose, but comfortable. But Nnoooooo. You'll either need to be a dwarf with a 30" inseam, or to get the 34 inseam, I suddenly need a 40" waist. It's McDonalds' fault!! Too many trans-fatty acids. For my sake, everyone...stop fucking eating and start exercising! Or convince the Ecuodorian seamstresses that not all Americans are sized like their husbands. We big giants! No pot belly. No fans in pants!!