Twin Trouble: Michelle Cottle makes a snarky and intellectually dishonest argument that the presence of "the Bush Twins" (jesus, that sounds like a porno title) in Vogue gives carte blanche to a liberal press drooling to dig dirt.

Once the girls become political tools, however, the rules change. The White House loses the moral high ground. The media feel more emboldened. Already, in opening access to the girls for a splashy interview/photo spread in Vogue (and a smaller feature in People in May), George and Laura can no longer declare their daughters part of a media-free zone.

Oh, fer chrissake, we're talking about Vogue and People! It's not like they're writing op-eds for the Washington Times. How many glossy-mag puff pieces did Chelsea Clinton get without "changing the rules" or "embolden[ing]" the media? This is what presidential daughters do: go to the non-serious media and say, "I'm not really political, but I do support my daddy."

Believe it or not, Cottle's answer to the Chelsea comparison sinks even lower. First she implies that the Bushes' misbehaviors set them apart. (Of course, we don't really know if that's true, since major reporters never bar-flied it in college-kid watering holes waiting to drop a dime on Chelsea.) Then Cottle dredges up a bizarre, blame-the-victim diatribe that can only be craven or jaw-droppingly ignorant:

But even if Jenna and Barbara had been the picture of adolescent decorum, they would now still be facing a different level of public scrutiny than, say, Chelsea. Why? Because they're twins. Let's face it, twin girls in particular hold a bizarre fascination for the public at large. (Just ask the Olson sisters, whose every burp and sniffle get saturation coverage.) Identical or fraternal, the mere word "twins" strikes a deep--and deeply twisted--chord in far too many folks. As young, nubile, rich, solidly attractive 20-somethings with disturbingly perfect teeth, the Bush twins are guaranteed to become the featured fantasy of legions of male voters in red, blue, and purple states alike.

That's right, girls; stay out of those magazines and newspapers, since everyone knows that twins are perv bait. And don't wear any miniskirts, 'cause that's asking for it.

The last straw is Cottle dressing this horror show up in concern for "the girls."

Give the girl a break, George. Tell her you appreciate her desire to lend a pretty, pampered hand during these tough electoral times, but that you love her and her sister far too much to let them wander into the fray utterly unexperienced and unprepared for the potential fallout (not to mention the icky stalkers).

Er, they are adults now, I believe -- aren't they honey-pie? So why don't you sidle your sweet cheeks on over to your desk and hack out a non-condescending, non-patronizing correction, as you would likely ask any male-chauvinist-pig reporter to do if he referred to adult women "girls." And what's with the fake outrage over Bush "using" his daughters to boost his image? President Blowjob (remember him?) used that trick every time another blowsy lounge singer or silicone'd erstwhile pageanteer claimed knowledge of the presidential member. "Oops, another 'bimbo eruption'! Somebody get Chelsea so she can hold the President's hand while he walks to Marine One. The press will be there." By that standard, George and Laura are parents of the year.

Cottle is an insufferable fool.