It's hard out here for an unintelligible rap artist with nothing to wear. But not too hard, I guess, to steal the Oscar for best song away from Dolly Parton, whose song "Travelin' Thru", from Transamerica, was the only one of the three nominees that I could even accurately identify as a song, let alone make any judgement along the lines of good or bad. For a song to win an Oscar it ought to be something that you would actually listen to outside of the context of the movie itself. I find it hard to believe anyone would listen to four minutes of moaning by some broad they've never heard of, from a movie they've never seen. And I haven't understood a single rapper since Snoop Dogg. No master of locution, at least when Snoop said something was fershizzle, you could pretend to know what that meant, even if you were as geographically and culturally removed from West Coast rap as possible without actually being an Eskimo.

I mean it, Three 6 Mafia, what the hell are you saying.