I Guess I'll Chime In: My favorite line from John Stewart was shortly after the "Mafia" won for best "song": "For those keeping score: Martin Scorscese -- 0 Oscars; Three-6 Mafia -- 1." I hate Oscars that are given in one category so as to apologize for not giving an Oscar elsewhere.

The Pimp song. The voters must have had a collective attack of white guilt for not giving Hustle & Flow any real accolades, so they vote in this god-awful droning to show that the Academy is down with flow. It's like the make-up nomination. Giamatti gets robbed for Sideways (not even an nomination!), and then they throw him into the mix for Cinderella Man, even though he was just very good in that movie.

Brokeback Mountain was a good first draft as Mrs. Eno put it. But it was still quite moving. As for the controversy, I mean, could there have been a less graphic movie depicting gay sex? I suppose that's the problem with casting straight actors (so they say, anyway!) -- they'll do the kiss and pantomime some other activities, but when it gets down to the fast and furious, well, let's just throw in some stirring guitar riffs and cut to the next morning of sly smiles and stiff walks.

See, I thought Crash was a piece of high art junk. I mean, I didn't mind watching it, and thought there were some good moments, and certainly excellent acting, but I hate these movies where everyone is magically inter-connected, and everyone learns their lessons at the end through overly contrived plot devices. It's more like a piece of video art than a movie -- I felt like I needed thick black glasses and a beret.

For best picture, I don't see what was wrong with Munich, which I thought did about as good a job trying to show humanity in the face of terrible violence as you're ever going to see. That movie had me at jump street. I think that the Academy is just sick of Spielberg -- or maybe it's a punishment for The Terminal. Speaking of which, what is wrong with Tom Hanks' hair? I hope it's just for some serial killer movie -- I didn't think The DaVinci Code had any mysteries hidden in the protagonists's hairline.

Reese Witherspoon was deserving, but the field was very weak. Felicity Huffman is a t.v. actress -- and I say that as praise. She's great in doing shorter scenes, and has a wicked sense of humor. I just don't know that I can stomach her for nearly two hours dressed as an ugly man in drag. Dame Judy -- it's time to well, it's time to stop. I mean, keep acting, but no more nominations. She plays the same character each time.

Clooney is both insufferable and yet damn charming -- I suppose that's why he doesn't get married -- what's the point? By the time the charm wears off, he's moved on. I do applaud him though for really caring about his movies -- I mean, the guy had to get spinal surgery from acting too hard! Not something you'll see Keanu doing anytime soon.

Well, I could go on (and I know you want me to) -- but I must get back to billing clients for my time.

As for Eno's distaste for Pirates -- well, there's two sequels being filmed right now, so there's room for it to grow on you. Snob.