FauxPolitik

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Assimilate or suffer the consequences: So I've never been a big fan of roller coasters. And I'm comfortable with that fact.

But when the 10 year old girl in front of you in line to ride the Borg Assimilator asks if you're gonna be okay, the old machismo takes a bit of a wallop. And then, you either suck in your gut and laugh in her face or you wilt and ask if anyone's ever died on this ride.

Shut up, I did too choose the first tactic.

There's not a good picture of the ride, I guess 'cause even static photography of this beast has been known to induce vomiting, but here's the blurb on the Paramount Carowinds site:

The Carolinas' first flying coaster is also the tallest roller coaster in the
park. It soars riders through eight inversions, most while flying facedown,
zooming toward the ground and turning skyward just in time for the next
inversion. The unique rider position offers breathtaking and virtually
unobstructed views of the park.
They're able to make "inversions" sound like an almost routine, even pleasant experience. Sure, let me come over to your house and "invert" you for three minutes. See how you like it. And the "breathtaking and virtually unobstructed views of the park" go like this.
Sky, ground, big metal support beam, first 12 years of your life, parking lot,
sky, water, ground, hands clenching the safety harness, next 20 years of your
life, sky, inside of eyelids. Stop. Girlfriend.

I've got a unique rider position for the asshat that designed that thing.

After we got off and walked out they were closing the ride down. Not for safety reasons, apparently, just that it was 9:00 and the park was closing. Darn, can't ride it again till.....oh, let's say never.

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